Letters to a Traveling SOLDIER
by Kita Kudai
Summary: Aerith wrote 89 letters to her love, Zack Fair. What we were never told was what was in those letters. Do you want to find out?
1. Twenty Three Tiny Wishes

**I just go around to looking at Crisis Core and I realized they never told you what was written in Aerith/Aeris' other 88 letters she sent to Zack. So… I got bored and decided to write them for her.**

**This first letter doesn't count since it was written by her to Zack. It's a sort of teaser to the other letters. **

* * *

_Zack,_

_I said I had twenty-three little wishes. But, after a little thought… I've combined them all into one big wish. All I wish for is to spend more time with you. __I know you're busy, and I'm sorry if it's a lot to ask, but that's my only wish, and I think that'd be all I'd need to be happy._

_Take care,_

_Aerith_


	2. 1st Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_How are you? I'm doing well. I finally started selling flowers, like you told me to. It's incredible. You were right. Everyone wants to buy the flowers and I've never had this much money before. Mom is really happy. It made putting food on the table a little easier, which is good for my mom. She really works too hard and I hate to see her so tired every day. She got to quit one of her jobs today. I was so happy._

_Promise to write back, okay? I'd feel kind of weird if you didn't. I mean, we are friends… Right? _

_Aerith_


	3. 2nd Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Did you not get my first letter? That's okay. Perhaps I just missed you. I'll try again. Well, more and more people are coming to buy flowers. I don't really have to say anything to get them to buy. They offer to buy from me. I'm not sure what to make the price yet. I think one gil is enough, don't you? It seems to be enough. Though I did make one man pay fifty. It wasn't really my fault. I just didn't like the fact that he was hitting on me._

_Why don't you come and visit me? You can visit anytime, as long as you don't fall from the roof again. I still haven't gotten that fixed yet. But I don't really mind. When it rains the water can get to the flowers now. I don't have to constantly go to the well to fill up my water pail. Maybe I should put you to work when you come and visit, make you pay for nearly squashing me with your fall. Don't worry. I'm just kidding!_

_Aerith_


	4. 3rd Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Are you not writing back because I said I'd put you to work? I was kidding about that, you know. You don't have to fix my roof. But if that is the reason you aren't writing then, you're lazy! I said I liked it since the rain could get to the flowers. They're growing better now. I think it's because they can get sunlight and rain water. It's almost impossible to keep up with but I love tending to the flowers. I go to the church every day._

_I was wandering the city today, selling flowers. I was debating whether or not to go from under the plate but I'm still afraid of the sky. Maybe if I do go out from under the plate I'll have you beside me to protect me. Is there anything you are afraid of? Perhaps, that's too personal to ask. Sorry._

_Aerith_


	5. 4th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Do you just like reading letters? Or maybe you don't like to write? Oh, you must be on a very important mission for ShinRa! You'll get all my letters when you get back. That'll be embarrassing. I must look like some sort of obsessed fan girl or something. And don't let that go to your head Mr. SOLDIER. You have enough fans as it is. You're almost as popular as Sephiroth is nowadays. Girls have been talking about you and your face is on magazines. Mom bought one and gave it to me. It was kind of embarrassing but cute at the same time. _

_What's it like to travel? I've never been away from home and I'm sure you get missions to go to different places all the time! You get to travel often since you're really strong. Try to stay out of trouble, okay? We both know you seem to have trouble with that. You've still got to come back and see how my flowers are doing. Try to use the door when you visit._

_Aerith_


	6. 5th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_A man came running up to me today. He said that if he didn't get something for his wife he would be in big trouble. You see, it was his anniversary and he forgot so he bought flowers from me. It's good to see my flowers are helping people. But you know that feeling. You help people all the time. But you seem to make a bigger difference than I do. You can save the world and I just save a single person's day._

_The children have given me a nickname. I'm Aerith the Flower Girl. A few of them want to help me sell flowers. I declined. Only want you to be my helper since you gave me the idea to sell them in the first place. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? I'd split the profit with you if you did help me out. But they're very flattering. They seem to understand that I want someone else to be my helper. Instead of selling the flowers they bring the people who want to buy to me._

_Come visit me! I mean, if you can get off work that is… You must be really busy. Does President ShinRa work you hard? He must… I'm kind of glad that my only work is selling flowers. It isn't as hard as fighting and the stuff you do. Try to stop by, even if it is just to say hello._

_Aerith_


	7. 6th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_A few minutes ago someone's pet Chocobo got loose in town today. It was so funny but so terrible at the same time. People didn't know whether to laugh or to chase the giant bird through town. It almost completely destroyed the market but my church was spared so that speaks for something, right? Infantrymen from ShinRa were sent to capture it but even they had problems._

_There were feathers were everywhere. I had a few in my hair, which made my mother laugh when she saw me. I never thought pulling feathers out of my hair would be so hard. You must be laughing at me as you read this. Well, it isn't funny Zack! I bet you had something like this happen to you before. Even you can't be perfect. Though, the idea of you with Chocobo feathers in your hair is pretty funny._

_Have you ever ridden a Chocobo before? I got to, just once and it was a really long time ago. All I have to remember it by was a picture that my mom took while I was riding. It was hardly a ride. I was really little and there was someone leading the bird around, to make sure it didn't run off with me still riding it. That would have been quite the adventure, don't you think?_

_Do you have Chocobo in Gongaga? Perhaps we could go there one day. I'd love to see where you grew up and you could show me around like I showed you around. But you'll have to stop by and visit first, okay? I don't think my mom would like it if I just left without having someone with me. But I guess I'd like to leave Midgar, even if it is just for a little while._

_Aerith_


	8. 7th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_I hope you are having fun on your mission! I really miss you but don't worry Tseng is keeping me company. He keeps telling me that you'll be back soon. I'm sure he's right. He says he hasn't seen you since you went to Nibelheim and that you went with some infantrymen and Sephiroth. What's he like? I've only heard rumors about him but some of them are pretty far fetched. He's not a vampire is he? I just want to get that one cleared up before you try to tell me something as equally farfetched. _

_The bills have been easier to pay now that we can sell the flowers. I've taken some flowers from the church and planted them around my house. So he helped me make a small flower bed for them, just outside the side of the house. Mom really likes the flowers and she takes care of the ones at our house when I'm selling the ones from the church on the streets. I think she likes having an excuse to go outside and do something aside from work. She likes them as much as I do and it's good to see a smile on her face again._

_Aerith_


	9. 8th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_It's been a couple months since your last visit. Tseng wanted to take me to the circus the other day. It was so much fun. You would have like the magician act. The magician asked for someone from the audience to come up to help him with his act. Tseng pushed me forward so I got to help him. He put a blanket over my head and when he ripped it back it appeared that no one could see me but I could see them. _

_Turns out he used a special type of materia to make me vanish. The kids were completely enthralled and they clapped so hard for him. Tseng just smiled at me and waited at the edge of the stage for me. After the act the magician tried to kiss my hand… I thought about you when he tried and I pulled my hand away pretty quickly. I'm sorry if I wrote too much. I just thought you ought to know. _

_Aerith_


	10. 9th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_I think I ran into one of your friends at the market today. He said his name was Kunsel. We talked about you for a little while and he helped me home when it got dark. He said something rather interesting though. He said you wanted to be a hero. I couldn't help but smile when he said that. It just seemed so like you to want to be a hero. I can see you doing it too. Maybe one day you'll be just as famous as General Sephiroth. _

_Of course, when you do I'll tell everyone I know how you can be bullied into things like making carts for flowers! My cart is doing well. It makes it easy to carry the flowers to and from the church. Kunsel made fun of the cart. He said it was just like you to do a shoddy job at making a cart. I pour the watering can over his head and he started laughing. I suppose that you helped us become friends because I'm sure that we never would have spoken to each other if we didn't have you as a common friend._

_He said that once you come back he'll send you done here for some rest. He also said you don't get vacations often. Your last one was at Costa de Sol, right? What's the ocean like? I've never seen it. Come to think of it, I've never seen a lot of things. I must sound stupid by asking you all these questions. _

_Aerith_


	11. 10th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_How are you? I'm doing fine, so is mom. She told me to tell you hi. I've been playing with the kids at the park after I sell flowers everyday. Remember? It was the one we went to on our first date. It still looks the same as it did. I walk by it everyday, just to make sure it is still well managed, for the children's sake. Sometimes they help me clean up. A lot of them now call me Auntie Aerith or Auntie Aer for some of the younger kids. _

_The people above the plate said it was raining. The water is doing well for the flowers. It comes through the roof and the flowers like it. Does it rain often in Gongaga? I found a map and looked for your home. It said that it was surrounded by trees and had multiple rivers nearby. It must be a real sight to see. _

_Your home sounds lovely, over what little information a map can provide. Do you miss it? I'm not sure I could leave my home as easily as you. I suppose I've fallen in love with the charm of Midgar. I'd miss it if I left. Besides, if I did go, who would tend my flowers? Maybe I could make Tseng take care of them. Can you imagine it? Can you see Tseng in a flowery apron with mismatched gloves and dirt on his face? I can't but I'm just tossing out the idea._

_What's Nibelheim like? The map said it was located in the mountains. It must be rather cold there. Try to keep warm, okay? I'm not sure if SOLDIERs can get sick but you shouldn't risk it. It wouldn't look good for the hero of the world to get sick, am I right? Well, I won't keep you. You're probably really busy. _

_Sincerely,_

_Aerith _


	12. 11th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Kunsel stopped by again. It's kind of funny, really. He won't take off his helmet and yet I recognize him when I see groups of SOLDIERs going down the street. I can tell if he's among them or not. He waves at me too and he's introduced me to a couple of them. A lot of them are very sweet but they don't have the blue eyes that you do, or maybe they just don't seem __as__ blue as your eyes are. They're the color of the sky. _

_He's worried about you, Zack. He says you haven't been returning his calls or responding to the texts he sends out. He says you're normally pretty good about texting him back as soon as you can. You really shouldn't worry him like this. He's your best friend! To take his mind off of it I put him to work and made him help me with my flowers. He seemed to appreciate the distraction. After we were done we went out for dinner. He didn't want to go back to ShinRa so soon – or so he said. _

_SOLDIERs see me in the streets often. I hear them talking about me. Don't worry! None of it is bad! They call me 'Zack's girl' and then they start talking about you and how you've been missing for a couple of months. Don't let the 'Zack's girl' comment go to your head! I just thought you'd find it funny. I've got to go now. Mom needs help with dinner. I'll write another letter soon. I promise._

_Sincerely,_

_Aerith_


	13. 12th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Kunsel's teaching me how to fight. The city has started to develop a monster problem since you and the other first class SOLDIERs have been gone. It's becoming a risk to even step out of the door anymore. The Angeal copy saved me from a monster that tried to get into the church. Kunsel arrived at the last length of the battle and finished it off. He still worried about me. He said it would do you no good if your girl went off and got herself killed by something as silly as a little monster. _

_I'm using a staff. Kunsel said it wouldn't look right if I used something like a sword or a gun. Plus, I don't think I could ever wield a weapon that could draw blood. I hate hurting people. I'm just lucky Kunsel is such a patient teacher. I think the Angeal copy gets a kick of the fact I get knocked backwards often. I'm sure your SOLDIER training was no easier! You had a pretty tough mentor if I remember correctly._

_Kunsel's also trying to teach me to use materia. We've found I'm a natural with healing materia. What materia do you prefer? Probably something flashy like a summon or some mastered spell. You always were a person who adored a flashy entrance. Kunsel started to laugh when I mentioned this to him. He said that I had you down to a T. So we took a break and did some impressions of you. I bet you can feel your ears burning._

_But… Mom doesn't know I've learned to fight. I don't want her to. She'd just worry herself sick. Do me a favor, Zack? Take care of yourself._

_Sincerely, _

_Aerith _


	14. 13th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Sorry I haven't written in a while. Things are getting harder here. Mr. ShinRa passed a new law. They're allowed to charge us for the amount of Mako we use per household. It's hard to make ends meet, even with selling the flowers. The ones at the church aren't going to be enough. I have to find a way to grow more. Reno suggested growing more of them around my house, instead of just having the tiny bed of flowers I have now. Kunsel said he would help me if I wanted to. Hopefully the soil there will be fertile enough to keep the flowers alive. Just imagine it, Zack, an enormous sea of flowers all around my house. Wouldn't it be lovely?_

_But then again you might not be a flower person. I suppose there are those people who have allergies. That would be terrible. I couldn't imagine a single day without my flowers. They are my passion. I don't get to run about and save the day like you. I don't even think I could, even if I wanted to. I'd be too afraid. It's a scary world out there, isn't it? There's danger around every corner with plenty of monsters to do you in. _

_Tseng said courage is about doing something, even though you're afraid to do it. So I suppose I shouldn't be afraid of something as silly as the sky, then… But your eyes, they're as blue as the sky and they aren't scary at all. But when I think of your eyes I think of just how intimidating your smile is. You aren't scary, not like the other SOLDIERs who have been running around lately. They think that just because they're SOLDIERs they can do whatever it wants and it makes me so mad. They have no sense of honor. Sorry for ranting but I had to get that off my chest. Mom says its bad to keep it all bottled inside. She wishes that I'd open up a bit more for her but its hard to do that. _

_I hope this finds you well._

_Aerith_


	15. 14th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_Things here without you have been unbearable. There are times where I just look over my shoulder because I just expect you to be there, waiting for me to simply notice you there. You'll be watching me with that cocky smile on your lips or you'd have tried to sneak up on me to scare me. You always managed to sneak up on me. I suppose it's just your SOLDIER training. Even Kunsel walks quietly. I almost want you to come back, even if it is just to scare me. I must sound really silly, huh? _

_I miss you. When are you coming back?_

_The SOLDIERs I told you about in my last letter are only getting worse and worse. They've become cruel and very harsh. One woman ran up to one and begged for them to help her find her missing daughter. They refused when she said she didn't have any gil to pay them with. I helped her look but it took much longer than it should have, especially if those SOLDIERs had helped us. The little girl was fine. She was just lost in the market place. It's sad to see that the SOLDIERs want bribes for doing work that they should already do._

_It's disheartening to see a group so revered and so worshiped fall so far. Hopefully when you and Sephiroth get back things will go back to normal. It seems like everyone is losing their heads because of your extended stay in Nibelheim. Granted, no one has heard from you in months but Nibelheim is a small town, right? The reception's probably just not that great. Everyone's stressing over nothing. I know you'll be back. Everyone will feel really silly when you come back to report that everything was a success. _

_Aerith_


	16. 15th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Today I thought about you and what you've done for me. I realized with that I've never given you anything in return for all the things you've done. If it weren't for you I'd still be lonely and lost. Believe it or not I don't have a lot of friends. Now I have lots of friends, even if they are your friends too. Kunsel's been great to me. He's like the big brother I always wished I had. You can tell him I said so yourself. _

_Reno is well Reno. There isn't much to report about him besides the fact he got in trouble with Tseng last week, something about getting drunk on the job again. I feel terrible for Reno whenever I see him. He's not used to being a Turk yet. Every time he looks at me I see something inside of him break like glass. Something dies and there's nothing I can do to save it. Kunsel says he drinks to forget the pain. I don't know what he's talking about. He says the Turks do things that the SOLDIERs don't and that there's a reason they're paid more than SOLDIERs are too. He just won't tell me why._

_Tseng is well, that silent protector who watches over me. I haven't seen a lot of him lately. Reno says he's busy with Turkey stuff. Trust me. They're his words exactly, well, minus the few curse words that he threw in. He's been doing that a lot more – cursing that is. He used to be such a nice kid. I'm worried about him. I think he's been getting mixed up in the wrong crowds. Tseng, when I asked him about it, says I shouldn't worry and that Reno's fine. I'm not sure whether or not to believe him. _

_I'm starting to get worried. Tseng just takes your letters and I'm not even sure if he's actually getting them to you or not. He looked sad at first when I gave them to him to give to you but now it's like he doesn't even care. He knows something that I don't. It bothers me. We're friends. He shouldn't be keeping secrets from me. It really makes me wonder sometimes… if he hates me… I mean he has to go and watch me a lot, like a babysitter. Surely, he has better things to do. He has a life that he might want to get to._

_What I mean is that I'm not that important. _

_He probably does hate me. He resents me for taking him away from more important duties, more glory filled jobs that could earn him a lot of money or a lot of women. I told Kunsel my fears. He laughed it off. He said that no one could hate me and that I'm just being paranoid. Then he took me out to sell flowers again. He just walked with me, watching. He makes sure no one tries anything. No one ever does, not with the threat of two super SOLDIERs over their heads – you and Kunsel, my two heroes!_

_Listen to me rambling like this… You're probably laughing at me. Well stop it this instant Zackary Fair! It's not funny. I miss you… I know you're probably tired of me mentioning it but it's true. Ever since you left things have gotten pretty bad. If anything we need a hero now more than ever. I know no one better than you. So please hurry back. I have a feeling that the worst is yet to come. I just have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. But watch, you'll come back and it'll be gone._

_Aerith _


	17. 16th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Shin-Ra says that there was a snow storm in Nibelheim and that's why it's taking you so long to come back. I've never seen snow before. But I hope you're warm. Do try not to make too much of a mess of it all. We both know how carried away you get with certain things, Zack. You certainly do live up to the name Zack the Puppy. But maybe you could hit Sephiroth with a snowball for me. I've heard the man is pretty uptight and formal about everything. _

_You think I didn't know about your pet name from Angeal? Ever since you've left a fan club rose for you. I can't remember all the clubs but some of those fan girls can get vicious. Your clubs is the Puppy Lover's club. I think it's rather cute. It suits you. I don't know who set it up but it gives the club member's monthly updates. Kunsel thinks that it's just Shin-Ra exploiting your secrets for gil. I don't doubt it. Lately it seems like everyone has been tight on gil, not just Shin-Ra. The economy has really been suffering._

_It's hard watching everyone struggle to make ends meet. More and more people are getting tossed out of their homes because Shin-Ra repossesses what they have and kick them out because they're bankrupt. The banks just keep dishing out loans they know people have no chance to pay back. I don't even know how some of those people sleep at night while half of the people in the streets are crying themselves to sleep because they're hungry, homeless and alone. I ran home crying yesterday because I saw a family setting up camp outside a bar in a cardboard box. It took mom hours to get me to calm down and when I told her what happened we took the family some soup. _

_They thanked us a hundred times over and wished the gods would bless us. It's heartbreaking. I mean it was just soup but they told us we were the nicest to them that anyone had been to them since they had their home repossessed. We offered to let them stay with us until they got jobs and everything. They refused. They said they didn't want to take advantage of our kindness. I wanted to cry again but I thought about you and how you used to smile things off. So that's what I did. I smiled it off but honestly, it felt like I was dying inside. _

_I don't know how you do it. But you do it. I can't thank you enough for being so brave. Not for fighting battles or saving people. No, I hate wars. It's always the older men who declare the fights and battles but it's the younger ones who die in them… Maybe I'm over thinking this. I know I got off topic… I wanted to thank you for being so brave by finding a reason to smile. No one smiles in Midgar anymore. But when people are around you… They can't frown… Nobody does… So… It's like you're saving the world with your sweetness… _

_Thanks, _

_Aerith_


	18. 17th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Is there something wrong with your phone? I tried to call you but you didn't answer. You always answer your phone. But you haven't answered any of Kunsel's calls either… Are you out of range out in Nibelheim? I guess reception must be really bad. Everything's going well here. Mom got a cold so I've been taking care of her. Kunsel has been helping me lately. He watches over her when he can spare time and I go and sell flowers to bring in some gil to keep the house going. The flowers are in high demand, believe it or not. _

_You can't imagine what it's like here without you. It feels like a hole has been punched through my chest. Rumors have been spreading lately, about something terrible happening at Nibelheim. No one knows the exact details but every description includes something about fire and the reactor. Is that why you're taking longer than you expected? Are you okay? Did anyone get hurt? Please write back. I'm scared. I'm scared for you. I'd even take back all twenty three of my wishes just to see you again, even if it was only for a second. _

_Please, __**please**__ be okay._

_Kunsel's away on a mission. He has been really busy lately. He thinks he's going to be getting a promotion soon. At first I thought he'd be thrilled… But he's been doing some looking around lately. Shin-Ra's done some pretty sketchy things to the first class SOLDIERs. I'm scared for him. He's like a brother to me now. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been taking care of me since you left, Zack. No one asked him to but he came anyways. And that's what's both great and terrible about him. _

_To me Kunsel is an amazing person. Not only does he fight for others on a regular basis, but he also has several people looking up to him like an older brother. He took that position easily. He listens to all of their worries silently, and when they finally get it of their chest, he encourages them, giving them the courage to face their problems. He was wise beyond his years and seems to have advice for almost any situation at hand. He is also an excellent secret keeper, which wasn't that surprising, considering how well he listens to others. _

_It's probably how he knows as much as he does. He plays the part of the consoling shoulder and people tell him anything. He knows a lot about what goes on within Shin-Ra and who has done what or what happens when. Knowledge is power, Kunsel says, and I know for a fact he has a lot of knowledge. Plus, he's a good instructor when it comes to the fighting he's been teaching me so he has strength to back up that knowledge. But sometimes he's been distracted. He tries to dismiss it but I know. I always know. _

_But what most people don't realize was that Kunsel adds their problems to his own, holding them until they were sorted. Kunsel is a sturdy wall, not crumbling even under harsh conditions. But I know even the strongest of walls could be destroyed. I know that his walls have started to crumble recently. It is all just too much for him to bear. So, Zack, I make this promise to you that I will help build him back up since he had done the same for me when my walls crumbled. If I had to start by simply being there for him then I will do so. Perhaps just being there will remind him that he isn't as alone as he felt that he was sometimes._

_But a phone call from you would really make his day. Please, talk to us. We're worried. _

_Aerith_


	19. 18th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Can you make me a promise? If I never see you again, can you do me one small favor? Can you smile for me? Can you remember everything we've ever done and live your life with no regrets? Things may seem hard right now, but you have to remember… It can't rain forever… Meaning that no matter how tough things seem the sun will come out. It would be a new day, a clean slate if you will. You'd be able to start over. I know this sounds funny but, I can still picture your last smile. Bright and loving… Just like you. It was a reflection of your personality, despite all of the things you had to do._

_Midgar has been a mess without the First Class SOLDIERs around. Crime has gone up and the other SOLDIERs simply don't care anymore. Now, more than ever we need a hero… And I can't think of anyone except for you to fit the bill. Sure, Sephiroth may have more fan clubs. Sure, he may be Shin-Ra's most powerful SOLDIER. Sure, he may be strong. Sure, he may be someone worth admiring. But he can't amount to you, not even if he tried for a hundred years. I'm not even sure how you can be you, if you know what I mean._

_You're strong. You're kind. You've always had a reason to smile. No one else in Midgar smiles anymore. It's really sad, once you think about it. We need a reason to smile, now more than ever. I just wish that there was some way to make everything right again. It's just so hard anymore. Not that I'm going to give up. If you thought I was then you don't know me as well as you thought you did! You might not have noticed, but I've tried my hardest to be kind to everyone since you left. I don't want anyone else to be hurt because of me. I don't want anyone to waste their time on me. __I don't want to cause anyone anymore pain. _

_Everyone in Midgar hurts because of something or another. Only the rich and well off are unaffected. They are always rich and powerful, particularly those who served the President. They adore status more than their own opinion or the wellbeing of those below them so long as they are granted more money, more power and a higher status. The poorer people below the plate are always longing to be rewarded for their faithfulness to the President. We obey the President because we feel he is the 'man closest to the Gods'._

_In the Mr. Shin-Ra's rule, thieves, and criminals, and those whose beliefs were different from the Mr. Shin-Ra's idea of justice… They stood no chance against the President. They may have had hope once but their spirits were broken the moment they stepped foot in his building, most never to be seen again, others sentenced to death or hard labor under the his orders. They're taking people off the streets. Rumor has it that a doctor is experimenting, trying to make the perfect SOLDIER. But as all rumors it must be taken in moderation. Not every rumor is true but I have a sinking feeling this one is very much real. _

_Please, be safe._

_Aerith_


	20. 19th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Kunsel came over to the house the other day. He stayed for dinner and although I insisted that I could clean up myself, but he wouldn't hear of it. It was amusing to see your best friend wearing an apron and washing dishes. I wish I had a camera to capture the moment, but I guess I have to settle for engraving it into my memory instead. The best part was that the apron was a hot pink color with laces and frills. He still wore that helmet of his. I swear it's become a game between the two of us. I try to get him to take his helmet off and he fights me tooth and nail. He's pretty good at eating with it on, surprisingly enough. _

_He comes around more often now. Mom sometimes even lets him stay the night some times. He doesn't have any other friends in SOLDIER anymore. They're all spending their paychecks getting drunk when they're off duty, crying in their beers. He'd rather laugh. He says that mom and I can make him laugh. I really think he misses you. He doesn't smile much anymore. It's kind of sad, really. I liked his smile. _

_I bought a newspaper yesterday. I know I don't normally do stuff like that. I mean, it's so depressing anymore. In fact, I've even stopped watching the news. All they do is say 'Good morning/evening' and then they list a bunch of reasons as to why it really isn't… But I'm digressing. I bought a newspaper and it said there have been massive monster attacks everywhere around Nibelheim. It seems to be the epicenter. Is that why it's taking so long for you to come back? Is it because of all the monsters that are there?_

_Well, I don't care if you are a first class SOLDIER. You better listen to me Zack Fair. If you get yourself killed I'll never forgive you. You promised to come back, you hear me? I'm sorry if I sound mean but I really am worried about you. Sometimes I think you're the only one that really understands me and sees me for me, instead of what they want to see. Tseng and Reno only want to keep me safe. Kunsel sees me as the little sister and obligatory protected item for your long awaited return. Mom sees me as the adoptive daughter… And you… You're different._

_I don't know exactly what makes you different so don't bother asking because I can't exactly explain it in words myself. But you better come back safe and sound so I can figure it out or else I'm going to give you the longest lecture you'll ever hear, even longer than the one I'm sure your mother would give you for making her worry for so long. Just stay safe. You have to remember what you do effects those around you, even if they aren't right beside you. So even if you're busy it wouldn't kill you to at least text someone a hello or something…_

_Aerith_


	21. 20th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_I'm sure you remember what today is, don't you, Zack? That's right, my birthday! It's such a strange feeling! I've never given much thought to the future, but it feels like that will change soon. I need to start focusing on getting more flowers to sell!_

_But something happened today that made my birthday even better! Even though he couldn't make it home, Kunsel sent me a staff. He had it handcrafted in Wutai when he was there on a mission. He must have realized how interested I've been in his job lately since he's the only SOLDIER I know anymore that actually cares about what happens to the people. It's a very plain staff, no markings or designs but its light weight and it's almost like an extension of myself when I fight off the monsters. I think I'll start carrying it with me it tomorrow. _

_I just thought I would say "hi" today. I miss you like always. _

_Aerith_


	22. 21st Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_How are you? Reno and Tseng are still travelling abroad. Reno called just last night and told he'll be spending a few months in Rocket Town after their mission. It was top secret so he couldn't tell me what they were doing exactly and I wasn't too sure I really wanted to know. He hinted something about AVALANCHE but I couldn't be sure, exactly. Plus, I didn't want to ask him outright, you know? I'm sure he'll send some wonderful souvenirs. He normally does anyways but it's been quiet without him. I miss him dearly, but I miss you even more. When will you be coming home?_

_Is there a lot snow? Is that why it's been so long? I heard Nibelheim gets really bad snow, sometimes the villagers have to go without contact from the other towns around them for a few months at a time because of it. Seasons are kind of hard to tell here, living under the plate but since my house is a little free of the plate I can tell. The flowers have a harder time blooming now but they have no problems at the church. I wonder if the soil there isn't different from other places. Mom hired some boys from around the plate to rake the leaves. At first they were ecstatic for some hard earned gil but when they realized just how much they had to rake they weren't so happy. _

_I made them some cookies and hot chocolate to make up for it. I'd have done it myself but I've been selling so many flowers lately its hard to keep up. I just wanted to pick as many as I could before frost sets in. Frost by my house looks nice but once you get under the plate it's kind of yucky. The snow turns all sludgy and grey. It doesn't seem to hold that touch on innocence anymore. It's really kind of sad once you start to think about it. I like snow, even though around my house we get little to none because of the plate catching most of it. _

_What was snow in Gongaga like? Did it ever snow? Maybe not… It was close to the equator on the map I saw a few months ago… Didn't you have a mission a while back where your helicopter crashed? That's where you met that boy… What's his name again? Actually, come to think of it, I don't think I remember you mentioning a name at all. You only called him Spikey… Oh, well… Snow must be hard for you to get along with since you're so used to the hot summers of Gongaga, right? The different sectors are okay but we wear long sleeved clothes all year round because of the weather and because of all the dirt. _

_Hope you're okay._

_Aerith_


	23. 22nd Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Reno took me out last night. We watched some kids play kick ball. They were all so sweet. Reno was pulled into the game for some reason. He tried to be nonchalant about it but he looked like he was really having fun. He insisted that I was his personal cheerleader. I told him I would cheer, if there was actually somebody worth cheering for. It was just to annoy him and it seemed to work. I cheered for one of the boys who put it out just as much as Reno did. Needless to say, Reno wasn't happy, particularly when I kissed the boy. _

_Now before you get mad, he was seven. He's no means a threat to you. Besides, it was on the cheek. He reminds me a lot of you though, so happy, so up beat, and he has a smile that never vanishes. Even though he won he didn't dare rub it into the face of the losing team, though Reno was acting as if he had. Sometimes Reno needs his ego needled. He's a very confident man, and while there's nothing wrong with that, he's far too sure of himself for his own good. I just want him to tone it down a little before someone comes along and hurts him because they don't like his attitude but he can't really help it, can he?_

_How are things in Nibelheim? I suppose it's pretty busy. You still haven't written me back yet. Maybe General Sephiroth is holding my letters to you. Wouldn't that be funny? I was kidding, though. What would the General want with my letters? He doesn't even know me. It's not like we would ever meet or something, I mean, unless you introduced me to him because I don't think he's the type of man you just randomly meet in the streets and I don't feel like he's the type of man to buy flowers from someone, even if they are hard to find in Midgar. _

_Well, if he is reading them you really need to stop him. It's kind of embarrassing for me to even think about someone reading these letters since they are kind of personal and for you only… But seriously, I want to hear from you sometime soon. Please, write me back, would you? Even mom misses you. She wants you to come back. She says she almost misses when you would come over to the house and eat everything… Almost… But I know that Kunsel misses you and so do I. Please don't be a stranger. _

_Aerith_


	24. 23rd Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_I've been alone for a few weeks. Kunsel has been on a mission with Reno and Tseng. Mom told me I should have more girl friends. I guess I should. All of my friends are either kids or men. It's kind of funny actually. I'm not sure why all my friends are guys. They just are. It's not really something I questioned before now. It always seemed kind of natural to me. The guys are great and all. I'm never alone and I never really have to worry about what I wear because honestly, the guys don't care. They think I'm pretty no matter what I wear. I still wear that ribbon that you got me. Mom tried to replace it once but I managed to save it before she got rid of it. I kept it hidden for about a week and then took to wearing it again. _

_She has given up on trying to make me give it up. It's special to me. You gave it to me so I keep it with me, just like I promised you I would. A lot of my friends down in market street had been asking about you recently. Do you remember the boy who stole your wallet? He asked about you too. He tried to pretend that he wasn't worried because he hadn't seen you around recently. I could tell that he really was worried. He's a good boy. He hasn't stolen as much as he used to. He really has come a long way since he was a lot younger. But it's tough on him. His mom is sick a lot and he has to take care of her whenever she falls ill. I do what I can to help but I can't do everything I want to._

_The hospital rates are so bad that he can't afford to send his mom there, even though they have exactly what she needs in order to get better. It's hard for me to watch everyone suffering around me. I hate seeing everyone so sad anymore. And what makes it worse is that everyone worries about me, because I haven't seen you in a while. I don't understand why they worry so much. You are coming back. You promised that you would but everyone pretends as if you have been sent off on some sort of suicide mission. I mean, Sephiroth is with you so you're safe no matter what could possible go wrong. He's a strong man and you are too, so don't you ever forget that. _

_Aerith_


	25. 24th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Kunsel came back a little bit ago. He's in the hospital. He broke his collarbone and shattered his ribcage. I'm just glad he didn't die. I could barely live with myself if something terrible happened to him, or any of my other friends for that matter. I just go and visit him every day. People at the hospital buy my flowers. It brightens up the rooms of all the patients. I love bringing a smile to the faces of the patients. It's amazing at what the little things do. Every day I cut flowers to sell, every evening I donate the rest of the flowers that didn't sell to the hospital because they don't last more than a few days. _

_Mom says that it's really nice that I do that for the hospital. I just want everyone to appreciate the little things in life. People just bowl through life too quickly anymore. They don't stop and sniff the flowers, begging my pardon about the pun but it's true and it fits the situation the best. People just rush through things anymore. They don't enjoy the small things. They can only focus on how miserable they are. I want to help change that. Because if you had seen the smiles on the faces of the people I gave flowers to, you would want to do it too. I have had my fair share of hard times. Mom wasn't always able to put food on the table sometimes. If it weren't for other people, things would have been a lot harder when I was growing up._

_Some of the people who helped me back then are gone now, either joined with the Planet or no longer in Midgar. So by helping others I can sort of pay them back. I wonder if they helped mom and I because they owed someone else… Either way, I am still putting all of my efforts into helping others. Maybe this is what you feel when you go and protect people from monsters… It's a good feeling, though, whether or not it is the same as the feeling you get when you go and save people. So how are you? How do you feel right now? I heard that winter was coming in Nibelheim soon. Do your best to keep warm, okay?_

_I still worry about you._

_Aerith_


	26. 25th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Reno called me the other day. It was really early in the morning. He had been drinking again. Tseng wouldn't go and get him and his partner is out of town on his first solo mission. I know the Turks have a bad reputation but they're the only ones who ever noticed me before I met you. I guess you could call them my friends. It's strange, isn't it? I mean, such an infamous and rowdy group knowing me. Well, back to Reno. He had gone to a bar and drank enough to 'drown a chocobo' or so the barkeeper said as he pushed Reno out the door. He was really happy that someone came and got him. I was afraid that Reno would have been left to fend for himself if I hadn't gone. _

_Reno's a sad drunk, believe it or not. As I helped him back to his apartment, he sobbed like a baby. I wasn't going to tell you but he started blubbering something about Nibelheim and an accident. Is everything okay? Are __**you**__ okay? I tried to get him to go into further detail but he just kept shaking his head, saying, "Nothing I can do… Nothing I can do… Not my fault… Not my fault… So sorry, so, so sorry…"_

_Please write me back, Zack. I'm scared for you. I've waited for you every day. The secretary at the Shin-Ra office wouldn't even let me check your office and she wouldn't tell me where your apartment was. Tseng was there with me too. He showed her his badge but when she tried to pull up your file her entire computer fried. Tseng checked it out. He told me it was because the file was restricted so it overloaded the computer rather than let the information get leaked. What worries me is that Shin-Ra would make files of its employees that case sensitive. What's going on? Are you in trouble?_

_**Please**__ write me,_

_Aerith_


	27. 26th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_You know, when I was a kid I would have given anything to be just like everyone else. But now, I guess I'm a little scared to leave at all. I'm always afraid I'd never come back once I left Midgar, you see? I guess I'm just over reacting but I have this feeling that if I ever do leave Midgar I won't come back at all. I'm not exactly normal… But I'm not different either. It's kind of hard to explain. I'm a Centra… Sometimes we're called Ancients. I can feel the earth and understand what it's feeling too. I can hear things from the Lifestream that others can't. Shin-Ra wants me for this power of mine. I didn't ask for this. I was born this way. It hardly seems fair._

_That's why I know the Turks as well as I do. Tseng was assigned to guard me ever since I was a little girl. When he couldn't be there to protect me he sent one of the other Turks to take care of me. Shin-Ra didn't want anything happening to me because I was the last Centra. To Shin-Ra I'm just an investment and to them that's all I'll ever be. They want me to lead them to the Promised Land. They explained it to me when I was younger but I was little. I didn't understand. But I do know they want Mako. _

_Do you know that when we use Mako it's actually sucking life out of the Planet? Gaia hurts all the time, Zack. I hear it. The Planet cries out to me and I hear its pain. I don't understand why I have the power that I do and that scares me too, because there's no one there to show me what to do or tell me what certain things are. I'm alone. It's hard, being the last. I never really got to know my dad since he died when I was a baby. My mom died when she came to Sector Seven with me. She barely had enough energy to step off of the train with me. Elmyra found us and my mom begged her to take care of me. Naturally Elmyra said yes._

_I know I'm asking a lot from you but please, don't tell anyone. I'm only telling you because I trust you. I know you would never do anything to hurt me. It's hard, telling you this but I think it's for the greater good. You have a right to know but because of my power… I know you're hurting. It scares me, Zack. I understand completely if you think I'm insane but I would never lie about something this serious. Please, please write me back. I just want to hear from you once. Just once so that I know you're okay. _

_Aerith _


	28. 27th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_I wish that you were still here. I wish that you didn't leave. Most of all I wish that you were joking, that you weren't serious when you said you had to leave! Please come back to us, Zack. Please come back, alive. I hate to tell you that we're dependant on you. I do, and I wish I didn't. But we are, Zack. I'm just not strong enough. We're not strong enough as a group. None of us are or ever will be. We need you to help us smile. You've had enough burdens to bear on your own and you don't need ours to shoulder too but we need you. I want to help you. __You always were stronger than us, Zack. Please come back to us, Zack. We need you. _

_I need you,_

_Aerith_


	29. 28th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_The whole place is falling to pieces. People just don't care anymore. The slums have become much… well, dirtier. Sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning sometimes and that no one is going to pull me back to the surface. It's hard to keep moving on anymore. I feel like a puppet that just keeps moving because my strings are being pulled. Everyday is the same routine. I get up. I get dressed. I eat breakfast with mom. I go to the church. I sell flowers, stopping only for a lunch break or maybe playing with the kids at the park. I come back home. I eat dinner. And then I go back to bed only to start it all over again. Sometimes I have conversations with people but I feel like that's not enough. Something is pulling me. I feel like I should leave Midgar for some reason but I'm too afraid. _

_Midgar has been my home since as long as I can remember… But I haven't been here my entire life. I know that much. It's vague, like a very distant memory but I remember cold, only cold. All I know was that I was very, very little. I probably wasn't even walking at that point. I couldn't have been. You would think that I would remember having cold feet as a child. It's strange but I remember it in a strange way. I would much rather remember something warm. Cold makes me think of sad depressing things. Because cold makes me think of the color blue… But blue isn't that bad. Your eyes were blue. They seemed to sparkle when you smiled._

_Gosh, that's kind of embarrassing to write. Sorry if I made you blush, Zack. I have to get my head together. I'm feeling kind of out of sorts as of late. Something isn't sitting right with me… Maybe being in the slums is starting to affect the way I think. I'm not to sure being here and staying here for the rest of my life is healthy. Shin-Ra wants to take me away anyways. Eventually they want to take me to their office building and 'study' me because I'm the last Ancient. It really isn't that great of a fate to look forward to is it? But I have to appreciate that they have let me go for so long, right? That has to count for something. _

_You know, when I first heard you were a part of SOLDIER I thought you were there to finally take me away to Shin-Ra. I thought about mom and how I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her. I was scared of you until you started joking around with me. You weren't so scary then. All my life I had heard stories about how terrifying SOLDIERs were, but you weren't that scary. You didn't try to hurt me like other people said you would have the moment you got the chance. I'm really glad you weren't under orders to capture me. But I have to ask, if you were under orders, would you have taken me in? It's just a question. You don't have to answer. I just wanted to ask._

_Aerith_


	30. 29th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_I had this dream… I'm waiting for you at the church. You're there with me… and then you fade away. I'm afraid that you're not there because you aren't here any more. You would call me, if something were wrong, right? You know I would get you whatever help you needed, even if it were out of my power to do it for you, I would get someone to help you. You know that right? You can call me if you need anything, anything at all, even if it's just to talk to someone. I'm not much use to anyone at all. When I met you, I finally realized what it was like to be needed, at least by someone other than Shin-Ra and my mom. And while I love my mom, and Shin-Ra is only looking out for its best interest, I loved being needed by someone else._

_Comforting you after wasn't really that hard because they were practiced motions, something I did for most everyone who ever came to me after a tragic moment in their life, but in a way it was harder than most people I have had comforted before. Maybe it was because I knew you better than anyone else I have comforted. It was hard seeing you suffer the way you were. I only wanted you to be happy. Angeal was someone really important to you. I can't imagine losing someone so close to me. In a way, I admire your strength but I certainly don't envy you. You have such hard burdens placed on your shoulders. It must be hard to go on some times. Should you ever need anything please write me. I want to help you as much as I can. _

_How is that infantryman you told me about? His name had something to do with the sky right? I can't quite remember. It has been about six and a half months since you have left. I just want to see you again. Your mission will be over soon right? Just write me so I can get some gil saved up. I want to take you out for dinner sometime when you get back. I have quite a bit saved up, but that's only because Mom insists that I keep some gil for myself. She doesn't want me to give all of my gil to her. I have to learn to budget myself so I don't over spend. I am saving up for a Cure materia. I need it if I am to keep taking care of the little kids around here. They all get hurt so easily. But I think it's because they do what they have to in order to survive… _

_It makes me sad._

_Children are the first to suffer around here anymore. I just… I just want to see everyone smiling, like you. It's nice being around you because, honestly, when you're smiling everyone around you can't help but smile too. I miss you. Lately, things have been kind of dull around here. I guess I've fallen into a bit of a pattern. I get up, get ready to sell flowers and end the day… Sometimes I get visits from Reno or I visit Kunsel, but there really isn't much else for me to do. I can't help but feel like I'm supposed to be doing more right now, but just what that is, I don't know… Maybe you could help me figure out what it is I'm missing when you get back._

_Aerith_


	31. 30th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_I know you'd never purposely leave me out of anything. You've always been there for me. I know that you'd do anything to protect me. I'd do the same, but you never seem to need protection. I have to admit I feel scared, scared that you only came to see me because Shin-Ra was checking on their pet project – me. I'm scared you only put up with me because you have to, because you were under orders to keep me safe, but if that were true, you wouldn't have done half the things you did, like buying me that ribbon, which I still wear, everyday by the way. I'm pretty sure that I'm just being silly, and that you care about me as much as I care about you. But sometimes, I just wonder… It's just… You've been gone for so long. Don't you miss me?_

_Never mind, you don't have to answer. _

_Do you remember that day in the church, after Angeal passed away? You're probably wondering why I took it upon myself to help you feel better. It was because it made you so sad, to know that your mentor was dead, and he wasn't a truly bad man at all. It was because, for some strange reason, I didn't want to see you upset. I didn't want to see you cry, no more than I want to see myself or even my mother cry. And even now, after nearly a year, I still can't take seeing you hurting, in any way. I just can't. Zack, please write me. I feel as if something is wrong, that I should leave Midgar and go to Nibelheim to find you. But I don't know where to look in that town. I don't even know how to get there. Plus, if I left, Shin-Ra would chase me. They would hunt me down and bring me back for experimentation that they had been planning since they found me when I was little. _

_Zack, please, I'm scared. _

_Aerith_


	32. 31st Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_It's been a while. It's weird to have gone so long to have not heard from you. Kunsel's worried that I'm going to be depressed sooner or later. But you promised to come back. I trust you and I know you have too much honor than to go back on your word. When you promise something you don't go back on your word. My trust in your safe return doesn't mean he hasn't been hovering over me like a mother hen. I can't blame him for being so paranoid. Reno has gotten depressed over something or another. He's taken to drinking. His partner disapproves but Reno still has links into the black market. He has a fake id. He can get as much booze as he wants, and really, who would deny a paying customer or a Turk for that matter? He offered to get me one but I declined. _

_I'm worried about him. I don't think your absence led to his drinking but it might have helped push him to it. Turks have hard jobs. I could never get paid enough to do half the things they do. Sometimes it scares me to think about it. But I've never been unsafe around a Turk. Actually, now that I think about it, since I've always been watched over by someone else, I've really never been unsafe in my entire life. It's strange really. I really don't see why everyone must treat me like glass, Zack. You never did. Well, I mean, you did protect me but you never saw me as someone who couldn't handle herself. Even Kunsel has gotten big brotherly around me. It's rather suffocating now that I really think about it. I appreciate how everyone worries about me but I don't need help crossing the street or even going shopping. It's enough to make me want to pull my hair out._

_It's difficult. I want to be independent, but when I try to take that step, everyone swoops in to try and be my hero. When I don't know what to do, and I try to reach out for a little help, everyone steps back, saying I should learn to do it on my own. It makes no sense. They contradict themselves far too much. I just want things to go back to how they were, before you left, not that I mind having Kunsel as a friend. He's like the big brother I always wanted. Mother hints that she wants me to forget about you. I can't do that to you. I promised to be at the church when you got back so I will go to the church every day until you come home. I hope that's soon. Winter is going to come into Midgar soon. It doesn't really snow here, it just gets very cold and ice starts to cover the streets. I hope the church isn't going to be affected. I love the flowers too much to let them die._

_I have to go now. I guess I'll hear from you soon,_

_Aerith_


	33. 32nd Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_I've been alone for a few weeks. Kunsel's on a mission with Reno and Tseng. None of them could tell me where they were going either. It was official Shin-Ra business and that's all they could say or else they could get into serious trouble. I don't want them to lose their jobs over me so I never pressed. Mom told me I should have more girl friends. All of my friends are either kids or men. It's kind of funny, actually. I'm not sure why my friends are all guys. They just are. It's not really something I can go and change. And honestly, I wouldn't want them to change because I like them the way they are, you know? I like the guys the way they are. _

_Aerith_


	34. 33rd Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Kunsel came back a little bit ago. He's in the hospital. He broke his collarbone and shattered his ribcage on another mission. I'm glad he didn't get injured even worse. He should be out within a week or so. The doctors have to heal the bones one at a time. I went and visited him. He really liked the vase of flowers I brought him. I don't know why I brought them, but it seemed like a good idea. The yellow of the flowers really brightens up his room. He says it gives him something to look at aside from the blank walls and the picture of the crying clown in the corner of the room. The hospital is a rather dull place. Mom suggested I bring flowers to all of the other patients too, instead of just letting my leftover flowers from the day die. It's a really good idea. Everyone one gets flowers that way. _

_So I talked to the head of the hospital. He thinks it's a good idea too. He is even paying for the flowers I bring each day, even though they're the flowers that just haven't gotten sold because of my wanderings. Guess my pocket is full of money, while Midgar is full of flowers. It's just like we planned. But the most amazing thing is I never run out of flowers in the garden, the one at the church or the one around my house. The flowers grow so quickly. Reno says I'm a crazy flower girl instead of a crazy old cat lady. I don't mind really. I think the flowers are pretty and they put a smile on everyone's faces!_

_I don't go to the Shin-Ra builing to sell the flowers though. I'm afraid of what would happen if I do. It's dangerous there nowadays. Workers go in and some times they don't come back. Reno says I'm just being paranoid but Kunsel ordered me to never go there on my own. He looked really worried when he said it too, like he was possessed by something. He was terrified of me going off on my own, but I think it's just him being big brotherly. And he has been amazing since you left for your mission. I couldn't have a better guardian angel. You should get back soon so you can help me out! You did promise, after all. You're my partner in this business. _

_Aerith_


	35. 34th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_Why is it that whenever I ask people about you they give me an odd smile or a sad frown? They assure me that you are okay and quickly change the subject. I know something is wrong. Their smiles are too tight. Their words are borderline defensive, though I don't want to offend anyone by asking when you are coming home. Kunsel gets the worst though. He gets quiet and it's concerning since he normally has so much to say. It's not just right seeing him so silent so I normally change the subject so I normally change the subject for him. But it's still the fact that everyone is lying to me. How can they tell me you are okay when they don't even believe it themselves? It makes no sense, Zack! Why do people act like everything is okay when it really isn't?_

_It hurts, to know people don't trust me with the truth or that they feel that I can't handle it. Why is it that they feel the need to lie to me? Why can't they just tell me what's going on? What **is **going on? Where are you? I'm so frustrated right now that I want to scream at the top of my lungs on the top of the highest building. Even that doesn't seem like enough to get rid of this disgusted feeling inside of me. I'm so tired of being lied to. I'm so tired of being hurt. _

_I don't need to be protected. I am not a little child. I refuse to be coddled like one. I am not made of glass. I do not need to be handled with care, at least not with things like this. You're important to me. I'm not the only one who cares about you. And it's upsetting that our friends are keeping something hidden from me. I would understand if they said it was classified because of Shin-Ra but right now I feel in the dark. I don't like being kept out of this. I'm worried about you. I just want some sign that you're still okay. Anything would do. I just want to know how things are. Zack, I just want you to send me a sign. Even a text message to Kunsel would be okay._

_Aerith _


	36. 35th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_Why is it that whenever I ask people about you they give me an odd smile? They assure me that yo are okay and quickly change the subject. I know something is wrong. Their smiles are too tight. Their words are borderline defensive, though I don't want to offend anyone by asking when you are coming home. Kunsel gets the worst though. He gets quiet and it's concerning since he normally has so much to say. It's not just right seeing him so silent so I normally change the subject so I normally change the subject for him. But it's still the fact that everyone is lying to me. How can they tell me you are okay when they don't even believe it themselves? It makes no sense, Zack! Why do people act like everything is okay when it really isn't?_

_I don't need to be protected. I am not a little child. I refuse to be coddled like one. I am not made of glass. I do not need to be handled with care, at least not with things like this. You're important to me. And it's upsetting that our friends are keeping something hidden from me. I would understand if they said it was classified because of Shin-Ra but right now I feel in the dark. I don't like being kept out of this. I'm worried about you. I just want some sign that you're still okay. Anything would do. I just want to know how things are. Zack, I just want you to send me a sign. Even a text message to Kunsel would be okay._

_Aerith _


	37. 36th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_Your parents wrote me the other day, Zackary! They are worried sick. They haven't heard from you either. I understand that you are on a mission but you cannot let your family worry about you like this. I understand if you don't have time to write me but honestly you could at least call your parents. They wanted to come to Midgar to come looking for you. While I don't mind them coming and meeting them, I don't them to come only to be disappointed to find you aren't here. What are you thinking? Why haven't you contacted them? This isn't like you. If you cannot right me, at least message them! Please, Zack?_

_Aerith_


	38. 37th Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_I miss you. I'll admit it. I would do anything to go on another date with you. Our first date was kind of fun. I liked it when I held your hand. I thought nothing could go wrong. You teased me about your eyes. They were so blue. They were vibrant, so full of life, glowing almost. I still think about it. I think about it every day. When we started going out everything was great the first few months. I thought it was going to be great us working together and seeing each other every day. I remember many of the other SOLDIERS telling me to break up with you. They said you play games with girls like me. I didn't listen because I thought I knew better, that I had seen deeper into you than they could ever hope to. I won't give up on you. You have always kept your promises before._

_Why would you start breaking promises now? We may be miles apart, or you could be coming into town right now for all I care. And let it be known, I don't care. You're such a nice person. You're nice, sweet, kind, generous, and caring person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Anyone would be lucky to have met you, let alone gotten to know you as well as I have. The SOLDIERS who told me to break up with you so long ago, laugh at me now. At least until Kunsel went over and started a fist fight. Needless to say, he got banned from that bar. It was kind of funny, but scary at the same time. I had never been so afraid for him in my entire life. He got a busted lip from the fight and a black eye, but he said he had worse in training._

_I think Kunsel and I are the only ones who believe you're going to come back. We know you too well, Zack. You'll come back. You'll prove everyone wrong. But there are whispers floating around, things that people are saying about Shin-Ra. I'm worried. These things aren't exactly nice things either. People are talking about human experiments and draining the planet of life. Sure, that's what the war in Wutai was over, but these things are being spoken about by a rebel group who call themselves AVALANCHE. They have proof that these things are happening. And it scares me. It scares me even more than the sky. Please, come back soon. I need to know these things are just a lie._

_Aerith_


	39. 38th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_People have been getting sick lately. They call it Mako Poisoning. It happens to people who have been exposed to too much Mako. Their system tries to fight it off, but it can't because the human body isn't meant to be exposed to those levels of Mako. I'm worried Zack. Is that what happened to you? Are you sick in Nibelheim? Doctors are trying to find a cure but right now, all they can do is ease the pain. I've been using the cure materia that Kunsel gave me a while back to help people who can't go to the hospital. The rates have gone up so high that only those who are incredibly rich can afford to go to get treatment. All I want to do is help. If I can give it to them, I will. Reno says I'm too nice, that I should grow a back bone. Kunsel and Tseng don't want me to change. They say they like me the way I am so I should stay that way._

_Speaking of which, Kunsel and Tseng aren't getting along right now. It's strange. They tolerated each other before but now they outright hate one another. Their hatred is completely unprecedented. There had been no signs that could have led up to this. It's so weird Zack. I'm not sure how to act around them. Tension is so thick you could cut it with a butter knife! I'm not sure how to act around either of them. I've tried to get them to talk to me. They won't talk. I'm sure if you were here things would be different. You would take them both to the bar and get them drunk, or so Reno told me, so that they would drunkenly forgive each other. I'm not sure if that's the best method to follow in this situation. It seems so heated between the two of them. They look like they want to kill each other. I'm afraid for them Zack._

_The fangirls of your club have been bothering me again. They keep asking me where I've hidden you at. I couldn't possibly hide you anywhere. You would never sit still long enough to be locked up. They don't believe me for some reason. They've caused me so much stress lately. I want to just pull my hair out in frustration and scream into the sky until my voice rings all around me. Mom thinks its rather funny but I don't think so. They follow me all the time, asking about you, where you are, how you've been, why they hadn't seen you around. Then they ask personal things, like what was your favorite color, your favorite food, or what you liked to do as a hobby. I don't know those things. I'm supposed to be your girlfriend and I don't even know those things. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? I'm supposed to be there for you and I have no idea where you are. _

_Why don't you write me Zack?_

_Have I made you angry?_

_Do you hate me?_

_Have you moved on without me?_

_Please, just talk to me!_

_Aerith_


	40. 39th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_I went to the fair yesterday Kunsel paid for everything for me despite how I protested. I did get to ride a Chocobo. Kunsel laughed at the look on my face. He took pictures too. But one of the SOLDIERs said something that made Kunsel get mad. He called me Kunsel's girl. The SOLDIER said that Kunsel had been dying for you to leave so he could get together with me. We almost got kicked out of the fair if Reno and his partner Rude didn't show up to defend us. It took a while to calm Kunsel down after that. He's taking your departure the hardest. Apparently, he's been harassed since you left. SOLDIERs have been beating him and abusing him, but that's only what Reno said to me when he pulled me aside after taking us home._

_Other SOLDIERs were apparently giving him a hard time about your absence. It gives you a real sense of who your friends are. He can't trust anyone in the Shin-Ra building anymore. Words get up to the President at an alarming rate anymore. He has spies everywhere, listening and reporting when people least suspect it. Kunsel has to be very careful whenever he comes to see me anymore. He's under surveillance. Reno warned him a week ago. We don't know why he's being followed but he's good at getting away from the people tailing him. But even his home isn't safe anymore. There are bugs and other devices used to spy on him. Kunsel's at his wits end. _

_Mom lets him sleep over in the guest bedroom as often as we can allow but the tails have almost figured out how to get to our home. Kunsel spends a lot of time in the garden anymore. He just sits in the flowers and staring off into space as he just thinks about things. He looks tired, so haggard anymore. I had to use a sleep spell in order to get him to rest last night. He was slightly upset that I had to do it, but it was mostly because he had to resort for a spell in order to get any rest at all. At least he could get some sleep somewhere instead of being spied on by Shin-Ra. I worry about him all the time. What if someone hurts him and no one helps him after that? I don't know what I would do if I lost him. He's a good friend. I'm glad we got to meet each other through you. But things are getting worse and worse. It's terrifying, Zack. Please come back. We need you. Kunsel needs you. I need you. _

_Aerith_


	41. 40th Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_I never thought you'd be gone for this long. You've never stayed away for this long before. You always come back in the end, because Shin-Ra needed you. You always did want to be a hero… Why is that? Why strive for something as vague as being a hero? You do know there are different definitions of being a hero, right? A hero could be someone who puts their life on their life on the line, or just by being there for someone who really needed them the most. Kunsel told me you used to say 'We're a team!' Well, how are you supposed to be a team when he doesn't even know where you are? How are Kunsel and I going to help you now? Do you need us to come find you? Are you hurt somewhere? Every time I walk down the street, I scan the faces of the people passing by to see if you're there, but you never are. _

_My last letter didn't get returned. Actually, none of them do, so I guess maybe you got it? I don't even know if you're getting these letters. But for some reason I can't stop sending them. It's hard here, harder then I imagined it would be. I'm not even going to ask you to write me back this time. All I want is to see you again. _

_Aerith_


	42. 41st Letter

_Dear Zack, _

_Kunsel was telling me about the ocean the other day. It sounds beautiful. I wish I could see it someday. Maybe when you come back, we could go see it together. You do owe me a date after all. Kunsel laughed when I told him that. He said you owe me a couple very nice dates, more than just a picnic or a trip to the park. I don't care. Although, you did promise to show me the sky and I will make sure you follow through with that promise. You just have to come back soon. It's been so long since I've seen you last. How has Nibelheim treated you? Are the civilians nice? What about your platoon? I don't think I've met any of the infantrymen that you led… I'm sure they're just as good as you are. You are training them._

_What's it like training soldiers? Is it sad? I mean, some of them die in the field right? And you get close to them? It must be hard. I hope everything is going well for you. I want to believe that you're doing great and will be home soon. You probably miss your own bed. Homemade food, showers, clean clothes, they're all taken for granted, aren't they? Do you get those conveniences? Do they treat your injuries well? I could send a few recipes if you want. But you're probably rationing your food. Kunsel said they do that a lot. It's weird. Shin-Ra is one of the wealthiest companies in the world. You think they would pay a little more to keep the SOLDIERs safer! They shouldn't use the Planet's life for power. _

_It hurts the Planet, Zack. But maybe when you get back, you and I can do something together. They'll listen to you! But then you have me to back you up when you confront them about it. Something would get done. I wish there was something I could do on my own but they would never listen to me. I'm just a random civilian to them. Reno and Tseng have been trying to keep me away from the Shin-Ra building as of late. I don't know why but they say it's because things have been rather tense over there as of late. I hope you're doing well._

_Aerith_


	43. 42nd Letter

_Dear Zack,_

_Riots are breaking out in the streets. People are protesting Shin-Ra. Turks and SOLDIERs are stopping anyone who protests. We had been once told it was okay to question Shin-Ra but not anymore. It's hard to know who to trust these days. Kunsel comes to visit me with bruises and cuts all over him. I heal him but there's always more the next day. Mom doesn't want me going out until it is declared safe again. He fights so hard, but for what? He never attacks civilians. He gets hurt because he stops others from hurting civilians._

_The other day a man poured a beer on Kunsel's head while we were having dinner at one of the restaurants. We thought it was safer to go out because it was late and I had Kunsel with me. But Kunsel did nothing as the man yelled at him. He just took me out of the restaurant after he paid the bill, and the man's bill… The man called me names. I won't write them. It would only make you mad. Kunsel came back to my house. He washed up. He hugged me afterwards. He kept saying he was sorry for what the man had said. He said it wasn't true and that I shouldn't believe it._

_He didn't cry._

_I've never seen him cry._

_Zack, it's hard to watch everyone hurting like this. People don't talk about their feelings anymore. Even mom has become slightly distant with me. Reno gets drunk. Tseng is… Well, he doesn't talk much, does he? And Rude – Reno's partner – never talks at all, or at least if he can help it. Will you tell me when you're coming home? I just want to see a familiar face. I found a newspaper article with your picture in it. I framed it. It's in my bedroom by my bed. You look really happy. I hope everything is going well for you._

_Sincerely,_

_Aerith_


	44. 43rd Letter

Dear Zack,

Kunsel was telling me about the ocean. It sounds beautiful. I wish I could see it. Maybe when you come back, we could go together. You do owe me a date, after all. Kunsel laughed when I told him. He said that you owe me more than a couple very nice dates for how long I've been waiting. He says that it better be something nicer than a picnic or a trip to the park… But I like those kinds of dates. They're sweet and thoughtful. Kunsel teases me about that. He's really become like the brother I never had. Sometimes, I'm not sure what I would do without him. He's really been there for me.

Reno's nice enough. Rude doesn't talk. Tseng is just a friend. Kunsel has qualities that really make him more like family than anything else. He told me he doesn't have family to talk to. They've all passed on or disapprove of his choice to be a SOLDIER. When mom found out she hugged him so tightly I though his helmet would fall off. Now she's introduced him as her new son a couple of times. He just laughs. I love listening to people laugh. I love seeing people happy. Speaking of which, I have to go sell some more flowers. You were right about our little plan. Pocket full of money, Midgar full of flowers.

Sincerely,

Aerith


End file.
